Friday Afternoon Rap Talk

After a few minutes of facing the internal debate of whether or not it’s worth it to get up and see what’s in my fridge, I decided to settle for the crumbs at the bottom of the family size bag of cool ranch Doritos laying next to me and call it a day. After wiping 80% of the aforementioned crumbs off my shirt, I open up my laptop to see an article published on DBS, “Reality Check – Meek Mill and DC4 Blows”.  First of all, I’d like to acknowledge the slow but steady rebirth of Dartboy Sports.  Really brings a smile to my face, shoutout to anyone reading this.

Now I don’t really know much about Meek besides “Dreams and Nightmares” and the fact that he essentially became a punchline after his “beef” with Drake, but I’d probably agree with the overarching message of JB’s article and say that he’s a pretty overrated (unless you listen to music with the intent to get really angry for no apparent reason). Howevah, it was all that pro-Drake bullshit that really stuck out to me here. I thought I was headed for an article of some casual Drake bashing after I read the “that guy from Degrassi” line, but nah. Drake is trash. Garbage. Junk. Thought I’d be able to think of more synonyms there. But how can someone consistently drop these type of lines in his songs and be referred to as a great rapper?

“Why you gotta fight with me at Cheesecake, you know I love to go there”

“All my ‘let’s just be friends’ are friends I don’t have anymore”

“I got bitches asking me about the code for the WiFi so they can talk about my timeline”

Those lyrics sound remind me of a sorority girl holding a pumpkin spice latte talking about how all guys are the same and she’ll be #foreveralone.  When I think of “rap” lyrics I think of Biggie robbing motherfuckers, 50 Cent talking about guns, or Jay-Z talking about his drug dealing days. Hard to imagine your average slut in Sigma Delta Beta dropping just about any line ever spoken by those rappers.  It truly baffles me how anyone can actually like this guy, he’s an absolutely colossal pussy. Soft as baby shit. But for now just give me some throwback 80s jams or some early 2000s rap hits and I’m good with that.  Fuck Drake.

 

*Warriors -11 and Navy +6.5 for a million each tonight*

The Definitive Take on DeflateGate

bill belichick

I can’t turn on ESPN without hearing about how Belichick should be banned from the NFL and the Pats should forfeit the Super Bowl, so I figured I’d hit up DBS in its last days before going back to “dartboysports.wordpress.com” ($2/month to make it dartboysports.com so unless you guys wanna donate it’s going back).  It’s really a non-story but since it’s the Patriots and there is literally nothing to talk about the week before Super Bowl week, it’s a huge deal.  This happens to the Bears or Falcons in Week 2, how much do you hear about this?  Zero.

Well Dorf, they broke the rules!  Is it really breaking the rules?  Of course.  But then again everyone doctors their footballs and the Patriots have had a target on their back since 2001.  Being by far the most successful franchise in the past 15 years, I’m surprised shit like this doesn’t come out more often.  Call the Patriots cheaters, I don’t care, but if you say you wouldn’t trade places with a Patriots fan, you’re on Penn State level of delusion.  If my team’s gonna cheat I’d rather have them deflate their footballs to a pressure that isn’t even noticably different than normal pressure (refs touch them every play, no?) than have them lead the league in PED suspensions*.

To put the icing on the cake, apparently the NFL were tipped off on #DeflateGate the week prior, and planned to check the Pats’ balls at halftime.  But wait, why would the NFL knowingly let the Patriots cheat for a half of the AFC Championship Game?  Fuck honesty, fuck integrity.  The league literally let the Patriots “cheat” to bust them in more dramatic fashion.

*That would be the Seahawks FYI.  Fuck them, Go Pats.

Michael Vick and 50 Cent Confusing the Shit Out of Me on Facebook

Without Twitter and Instagram, I often scroll through the world of Facebook and today I stumbled upon these posts…

connect inmate

Connect Inmate baby!  Damn Mike, you were doing great, just silently hanging out on the sidelines waiting for foot fairy Rex to start you, trying to keep the words “dog” and “jail” out of all Michael Vick related news.  Don’t know what this is doing for you though.  Either way Michael Vick endorsing some sort of product for inmates is hilarious.  And can you just have iPhones in jail?  Mike would know, so I guess so.  Maybe the whole “prison is scary” thing is just exaggerated by the media.  If I had to guess, I’d bet jail is probably just a bunch of dudes playing Words With Friends all day.

50 lgbt

Now this wasn’t posted by 50 but he was mentioned in it so I saw it (obviously I like him on Facebook).  The first thing I thought of when I saw this is how ridiculous it is to spread awareness of LGBT youth homelessness as opposed to youth homelessness in general.  If I was homeless and I asked 50 for some help would he spit on me because I have a girlfriend?  My next thought was the connection between 50 and these gay kids.  No clue why he chose this as a charity to endorse.  There are thousands of other charities out there and literally the ninth word in “Straight to the Bank” is “faggot”.  Don’t know how 12 year old Pierre would like that one.  Weird shit 50.

Nevermind, Without Derek Jeter, Playoff Baseball Isn’t the Same… Find Something Else to Watch

I sincerely apologize!  I should fire myself for writing my last article.  I’m so fucking dumb!  I completely spaced that baseball “isn’t the same” without Derek Jeter.  The game you’ve loved your whole life is a joke now.  Definitely not watching any playoff action and highly recommend that you do the same.  It’s so dumb that the MLB is still a thing without Jeter playing short for the Yankees.  Even more dumb that these playoff teams AREN’T wearing #2 patches.  If you can wear red, white, and blue on the 4th of July, you can at least redesign your jerseys for the playoffs so they can all have pinstripes.  RIP Derek.  #RE2PECT

derek jeter patches

2014 MLB Postseason Predictions

Tonight and tomorrow night should feature the best baseball you’ll see all year.  The wild card games are absolutely electric and with big name starters throwing for all four teams, it’s going to so fun to watch.  I still feel like it’s pretty unfair for the home wild card team, being that one shitty game could cost them their season even if they were the second best team in the league.

Wild Card Games

AL: Love Shields to death, but Lester has the upper hand here, and the way Josh Reddick has been hitting, I think he’ll make the difference here.  Athletics 3-1.

NL: Everyone saw what a home-field advantage for Pittsburgh can mean and Edinson Volquez is sneaky having the best season of his career.  Same thing here, Bumgarner is a bonafide stud, but I’m taking the home field advantage.  Pirates 4-3.

Divisional Series

AL1: In a must-win season for them with so many guys becoming free agents and demanding money that they don’t have, I’ll take the A’s.  That Sonny Gray and Jon Lester combo is wow.  Losing Garrett Richards hurts big time for the Angels.  Athletics in 5.

AL2: I feel like I pick the Tigers to at least make it to the WS every year, but this year they have to.  Their rotation is too good to not dominate those scrappy Orioles.  VMart is having the best season of his life and they have some guy named Miguel Cabrera.  Tigers in 4.

NL1: The Nationals are the best team in baseball.  Although I have officially declared my hatred for them now that the Mets figure to be contenders for the division with them next year, there’s zero chance the Giants or Pirates can take down Washington.  Gio, Strasburg, Zimmermann, Fister, Roark, Clippard, Storen, Soriano?  Not fair.  Nationals in 3.

NL2: The Dodgers have two automatic wins, and I don’t think the Cards aren’t going 3-0 against the Kershaw-less Dodgers.  If he’s not facing Kershaw, Wainwright is too good to not pick up a win.  Dodgers in 4.

Championship Series

AL: I said it earlier, the Tigers rotation consisting of a bunch of workhorses is built for playoff success.  I don’t think the A’s have a lineup that can win four games against Scherzer, Price, and Verlander (he’ll come through this fall), but Sonny and Lester will keep it close.  Tigers in 6.

NL: I hope the NLCS is Nationals/Dodgers because that’s going to be some great baseball.  I think they’ll get a win off Kershaw (he’s never been himself in the playoffs) and be able to keep the Dodgers offense relatively quiet.  Kemp and Crawford hit like .600 in September so if they keep that up through the LDS I’ll guarantee this goes seven.  Nationals in 7.

World Series

The Tigers bullpen scares me way too much to pick them to win it all.  Yeah they’ll pose the biggest threat to the Nats’ pitching dominance but in close games you have to give the Nationals the upper hand.  They had that 73 straight walk off wins stretch in July.  They’re inexperienced in the playoffs, but built for the clutch.  Too good of a team.  Nationals in 6

I hate myself for taking the Nationals and I truly hope Bryce Harper goes 0 for the playoffs.  Fuck him.

2015 Playoffs Sneak Preview

The Angels rotation is healthy for this postseason and is going to handily take them into the world series with Mike Trout hitting .387 with an OPS of 1.231, but the Mets rotation makes them look like shit.  Harvey, deGrom, and Wheeler won’t allow an earned run all series.  Wright and Bautista in the middle of the lineup is all they need with the pitching they have.  Mets in 6.

 

A Drunk Rant on The 2014 Patriots’ Season Thus Far

This is essentially a rant on my angst towards Patriots football.  I’ll be shocked if this gets more than 4 views.

Through 4 games the Patriots have played one good half of football and it came against the Adrian “I’m Not Afraid To Use A Switch” Peterson-less Vikings.  The main reason I’m writing this is because I may or may not have gotten drunk during halftime, and it was the only way for me to cope with tonight’s MNF loss that’s going to have the whole world saying “Brady is done” or “the Patriots suck”.  While I’m going to stick up for my Patriots no matter what the situation, between them and Michigan this season, I’ve had an absurd amount of urges to punt babies/puppies off of bridges/buildings.  The only players I have been 100% satisfied with have been the kicker, punter, and special teams captain.  Fuck!

Tom’s been missing throws Tom doesn’t miss.  I don’t feel like looking up numbers but I know Ridley, Vereen, and Bolden didn’t even average 3.0 ypc against the fucking Raiders.  The wide receivers and tight ends have been getting a pretty bad rep from the media, but honestly I don’t blame them like everyone else does.  Tom understandably trusts Edelman and Gronk much more than any other pass catcher they have, but how can you blame guys like LaFell, Amendola, and KT85 when Brady’s constantly throwing 30 yard flys to a double covered Edelman, or trying to squeeze a pass that never had a chance to be caught up the seam to Gronk?  The offensive line’s struggles have been well-documented, and rightfully so, but the Mankins trade is also an unfair scapegoat for their woes.  Left guard has been shitty, whether it be Cannon, Connolly, or Kline, but Solder, Vollmer, and whoever’s been playing right guard has been just as bad!  Blame it on the Mankins trade all you want, but when Nate Solder legitimately looks like a high school tackle out there, it’s not just that trade.

Defensively, things were running quite swimmingly until tonight.  I had my worries about their physicality, third down defense, and inability to force three and outs, but allowing 16 total points in the past two games combined (albeit against Matt Cassell and Derek Carr), had me thinking they could figure it out and become the premier defense people expected them to be.  Nope.  Chandler Jones has been playing well, but not as well as the media thinks.  He’s invisible on some plays and gave up the edge to Jamaal Charles and Knile Davis all game tonight.  I hate to say it, but Vince isn’t what he once was, and while he’s still great, an interior combination of him and Chris Jones/Siliga/Vellano isn’t going to shut down any run games.  I’d give the overall defensive MVP so far to Dont’a Hightower.  Dude’s been straight cash homie.  I’ve lost count on Logan Ryan penalties, and Revis Island seems to be a past-its-prime resort.  Brandon Browner can’t come back soon enough.

Hey, well special teams has been awesome.  Gostkowski and Allen have been kicking the shit out of the ball and Matthew Slater might be the best player of all time.  Fuck this season.  2-2 is unacceptable.  It’s just funny that I’m worried a first round of the playoffs loss rather than not even making the playoffs.  You can book at least 10-6 and a trip to the playoffs.  Hopefully they’ll be healthy and functional by then.  0% chance anyone read this but I don’t care.  I’m drunk on a Monday and pissed the fuck off.  Fuck you.  Love DBS.

P.S.  Find me a better looking QB depth chart, you can’t.

tom brady jimmy garoppolo

I Suffered a Freak Injury Today and I Thought My Life Was In Danger

Rambunctious teens like myself often find themselves in the hospital after a night of turning up (that’s what the kids say these days, right?), and if you think I was in the hospital today for that reason, you’re wrong. This morning I woke up to a cabin full of 11 year olds and “Where Is The Love” by the Black Eyed Peas bumping. I immediately got out of bed, chimed in, and convinced them that I was a member of the Peas during the time that song was released. Seconds later, I endured the yawn felt ’round my jaw.
Everyone yawns and once in a while their jaws lock up a little bit but you just hold it there and you’re good. That happened to me but I was far from okay. For a while, I thought I’d never live to post another article. I slowly realized there was nothing I could do to close my mouth, so mouth open for the next 2 hours, I found my way to a hospital with a good buddy of mine. After the doc’s two futile attempts at pushing my jaw back to where it should be without any pain medicine (the two most painful moments of my life, not even close), he decided the only way to get it back to where it should be was to put me under. I’ve faced anaesthesia twice in my life. For the removal of a potentially cancerous (wasn’t, #GodIsGood) mole guy on my leg, and for a poorly executed yawn. Real shit. Videos of me after anaesthesia were fucking gold, but nonetheless I will be hearing a lot of “Robbie, show me your O face!” requests for the ensuing weeks. Freak injuries can happen to anyone. Be careful next time you yawn.
P.S. My jaw is still in some pain and it’s looking like imma be on that soft pasta for days diet (kidding had a burrito but had to cut it up), but at least I can exercise @RKY17.