Crime Alert – High Point Solutions Stadium: Rutgers Football Murdered In Cold Blood

So earlier this week I tweeted out that Michigan is going to beat Rutgers by 70. Total joke, because it’s physically impossible to lose a football game that badly. Well Saturday night Rutgers proved me wrong. They put on without a doubt the worst performance ever in any sporting contest I’ve ever witnessed.

I don’t care how good Michigan is, you had a week to prepare for this game. You had a week to put together a game plan for how to not lose by 78 points. The fact that the spread on a Big 10 matchup was +28.5 RU on their home field is absolutely horrific to begin with. A 30-point loss would have been rough to see, so a 78-point loss is almost impossible to wrap my head around. Big Blue’s got some dogs, and their defense could probably shut down the Cleveland Browns, but at the end of the day they’re in the same conference as you. You’re supposed to be a Big 10 team, so there should be absolutely no way you’re so bad you lose a game 78-0. People don’t lose 78-0 in Madden. By 40-0 how do you even go back out onto the field? How are the coaches still on the sidelines making play calls? If I was the head coach, by 50-0 I’m calling my wife and begging her not to leave me. I’m getting my kids on the phone and telling them I love them and everything is going to be okay. Seriously though, there had to have been a couple break ups after that game.

What’s crazy is that Michigan obviously took their foot off the gas and they still entirely dominated Rutgers on both sides of the ball. It got to the point where it was legitimately difficult to watch. I have no idea how anyone associated with Rutgers football can show their face in public again. But for that entire Rutgers team, last night was one of if not the biggest game of their life. Michigan comes into High Point Solutions Stadium for a game under the lights, aka it’s the Super Bowl of your regular season. How do you not mix in a touchdown? With the amount of adrenaline and hype going into this game you’d have to think Rutgers would find the endzone at least once. Not only did they not come even remotely close to scoring a single point, they had two first downs the entire game. TWO. They moved forward 10 yards twice in four quarters. I mean that is so bad I think I hate every single person I know that goes to Rutgers now. How can I look at you in the face? Your school is gonna lose by 78 and then you’re gonna ask me to chill? I lost every ounce of respect for you. But at the same time, I feel for every single student currently attending Rutgers. The university should refund every student’s tuition after that loss. How is anyone with a Rutgers degree going to get a job after this? Any employer is going to see “Education: Rutgers” on a resume and burn it. No way any company is bringing in someone who experienced a 78-0 L before.

Next up for Rutgers is a home game vs. 1-4 Illinois. When it’s October 9th and you only have one win, there’s nothing to really get excited about; unless you’re playing Rutgers next week. You know when a joke is so bad that it’s funny? That’s exactly what this game will be. Rutgers is so bad they make bad teams look not bad. Final score prediction: 6-3 Illinois (2OT).

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