*Has Anti-Trump Protest* *Trump Is Still The Next President*

BREAKING NEWS: After thousands of people participate in anti-Trump protests across the country, I have confirmed with my sources that Donald Trump is still the next President of the United States of America.

The Donald, somehow, someway, won the presidential election. He is our next president. He was before your protest, he was during your protest, and he still is after your protest. You can give me a million reasons why he shouldn’t be, and I probably could too, but the election is over. He won, Hill-dog lost, and there is literally nothing you can do about it. If you know me, you know that I was very against the idea of Trump being our next president. I think I could write a book on how bananas it is that this guy is next in line to run our country, but I’m not going to do that. I’m not a sore loser liberal like half our country appears to be. We have to come together as a nation, aka stop crying and having these bullshit “protests”. What is that going to do? There was just one of these things in Oregon, which lead to 112 people getting arrested. The best part of this story is that 69 of those people arrested did not vote. So I raise a question to those 69 protestors – what the FUCK are you doing with your life??? You had the power to affect this election with your vote, decided not to, and then you’re going to protest the result of the election. I just did math, and came to the conclusion that your entire life is a joke. The fact people like this exist is honestly so sad. Not only are these Trump haters protesting him being our next president, but they are doing exactly what they said they’re against. All of these people revolve around the saying “love trumps hate!” yet many of these protests have been declared ‘unlawful assembly’, and some have even turned into riots. You’re upset with the president-elect because his campaign appears to divide our nation, so in response you protest and riot like psychopaths against everyone and anything that supports him. Everything you’re standing up for is so backwards; you’re just upset you lost. On top of that, there have been multiple reports of college professors pushing back exams because students are too distraught over the election. How soft can you possibly be? How does that even work? I can’t imagine ever sending an email like, “Hi professor, the candidate I supported lost, so I don’t think I am mentally or physically capable of taking our history exam this Friday.” I don’t know how people can look themselves in the mirror after this type of behavior.

Just to go along with this, for the record, if you legitimately like Hillary Clinton I don’t want to know you. Besides the fact that her “husband” (business partner) is an absolute savage there is not a single likable thing about that lady. I was #WithHer solely because Donald Trump running our nation is out of this world insane to me. But, in a few months he will be, and we all have to accept that. Get out of the streets, go get a job, go back into your classrooms…go back to wherever you came from and just move on with your life already. I get being scared of what the next 4 years will entail, but enough is enough.

Donald Trump is a major wild card, so the unpredictability of his term is through the roof. But, one thing we do know is that he cannot stand critics. He’s a little sensitive that way. If he hears or sees anything at all that he does not like, he has to address it. He simply cannot help himself. Example: every single one of his tweets. Many Democrats have brought up the fact that Hillary won the popular vote, so Trump, naturally, fired out a tweet about how he’d run his campaign if the popular vote carried more weight. Yo, Donald…you won man. It’s over.

Donald: “Hey so I won, but if the popular vote mattered more than the electoral vote I would have done this to win.”

The rest of the world: “Yes, but the popular vote doesn’t matter more than the electoral vote. You won, Mr. Trump.”

Donald: “Yeah, but I don’t know. Just sayin.”

You can’t stop his ego, you can only hope to contain it. Hopefully President Trump is a little more cleaned up than candidate Trump, or else the protesting may never end. These people supported the same candidate as me, so I gave them a few days to get their feelings off of their chest. It’s 2016, this is what people do now. But at this point it is just getting embarrassing. Like I said, the guy won fair and square. Stop saying “not my president” because newsflash, he is. Man up, move on, and hope for the best. ‘Merica.

The NBA: Most Talent-Filled Sport On The Planet

We are about a week into the NBA season, and nobody is playing around. It’s only been a few games, but it seems like every single stud in the league has been playing out of their mind. If you look at the numbers, you could argue there are over 10 guys that could win the MVP this year. What other sport could you ever say that about? This isn’t anything new, either. Year in and year out, we get to watch these superstars do their thing, while new stars are always born. The only sport you could argue we also see this in is baseball, but it is not nearly as consistent. Bryce Harper, the 2015 NL MVP, hit .243 with 24 homeruns this season. He’s still an animal and one of the best players in the MLB, but baseball is the hardest sport ever. You are not going to get that superstar production from every superstar every year. But nowadays, in the NBA, it appears that’s exactly what we are getting.

For one, we have the pleasure of watching LeBron James play basketball. You don’t have to know a single thing about the sport to know that The King is special, and something we will never see again. Whether you love him or hate him, LeBron is in the Finals literally every single year, and with another ring or two we should start seriously questioning who the G.O.A.T. really is. Something many people view as a downside to the NBA is the fact that the East has been so weak and LeBron is so good, it’s a lock for him to make the Finals every year. The only problem with that is the Eastern Conference really isn’t all that bad; LeBron is just that good. We should be appreciating that greatness rather than bugging out over that pass he made in the 4th quarter. The whole “super team” thing does not sit well with many people either, and I don’t understand why. You’re upset to watch Stephen Curry, Klay Thompson and Kevin Durant play together? Why? The Warriors are going to be a video game brought to life. Unless your name is Stephen A. Smith, it’s not your job to care so much about where players choose to play. I don’t think KD cares how “soft” you think he is. We have to stop scrutinizing every move these guys make, and instead just sit back and enjoy the show.

Despite blowing that 3-1 lead in the Finals, Steph Curry and the Golden State Warriors are a team we will tell our children about. What Curry can do with a basketball defies the laws of gravity, and the fact that Klay Thompson is now the third option on a professional basketball team is absolutely horrifying. If Klay were in the league 20 years ago, he would be a huuuuuuge (fuck Trump) star. You could say that about all of these guys. Anthony Davis, DeMarcus Cousins, Kawhi Leonard; and these names aren’t even the household ones. There are so many stars in this sport that many of them never get the shine or credit they deserve. Look at Damian Lillard. He wasn’t an All-Star last year. Dude is a PROBLEM with the ball, and will 100% be in the MVP hunt this year and year’s to come. But nope, didn’t make the cut last year. The NBA is so good the All-Star Game roster isn’t big enough for the amount of All-Stars in the league. Then you have guys like Chris Paul, 8-time All-Star, who has never won a championship. Never came close to winning. If CP3 had a ring on his resume, you could argue that he’s the best point guard ever. The Western Conference is just too good, and he will never reach that plateau. The NBA is not like the MLB where a Bryce Harper slumps all season, but Joe Schmo randomly hits .315 and is an All-Star for a year. No. You already know Russell Westbrook, my pick for the 2016-17 MVP, is going to average close to a triple double this season. You know James Harden is going to be in the running for another scoring title. You know Kyrie Irving is going to be a human highlight reel every single night. It goes on and on, and on TOP of that are the Joe Schmo’s who show out a little bit.

No matter who is playing on ESPN or TNT that night, you’re almost guaranteed to see a beast on the court. Can you say the same about Thursday Night Football? I’d rather watch grass grow. The NBA today is the best it has ever been, and is the most talent-filled sport in the world. The holidays are coming up, let’s be a little more grateful for that.

Friday Afternoon Rap Talk

After a few minutes of facing the internal debate of whether or not it’s worth it to get up and see what’s in my fridge, I decided to settle for the crumbs at the bottom of the family size bag of cool ranch Doritos laying next to me and call it a day. After wiping 80% of the aforementioned crumbs off my shirt, I open up my laptop to see an article published on DBS, “Reality Check – Meek Mill and DC4 Blows”.  First of all, I’d like to acknowledge the slow but steady rebirth of Dartboy Sports.  Really brings a smile to my face, shoutout to anyone reading this.

Now I don’t really know much about Meek besides “Dreams and Nightmares” and the fact that he essentially became a punchline after his “beef” with Drake, but I’d probably agree with the overarching message of JB’s article and say that he’s a pretty overrated (unless you listen to music with the intent to get really angry for no apparent reason). Howevah, it was all that pro-Drake bullshit that really stuck out to me here. I thought I was headed for an article of some casual Drake bashing after I read the “that guy from Degrassi” line, but nah. Drake is trash. Garbage. Junk. Thought I’d be able to think of more synonyms there. But how can someone consistently drop these type of lines in his songs and be referred to as a great rapper?

“Why you gotta fight with me at Cheesecake, you know I love to go there”

“All my ‘let’s just be friends’ are friends I don’t have anymore”

“I got bitches asking me about the code for the WiFi so they can talk about my timeline”

Those lyrics sound remind me of a sorority girl holding a pumpkin spice latte talking about how all guys are the same and she’ll be #foreveralone.  When I think of “rap” lyrics I think of Biggie robbing motherfuckers, 50 Cent talking about guns, or Jay-Z talking about his drug dealing days. Hard to imagine your average slut in Sigma Delta Beta dropping just about any line ever spoken by those rappers.  It truly baffles me how anyone can actually like this guy, he’s an absolutely colossal pussy. Soft as baby shit. But for now just give me some throwback 80s jams or some early 2000s rap hits and I’m good with that.  Fuck Drake.

 

*Warriors -11 and Navy +6.5 for a million each tonight*

Reality Check – Meek Mill and DC4 Blows

I gave it a shot. I wanted to like it so bad. I wanted to say Meek’s not really dead. But if you’re going to look me in the face and say DC4 is a good mixtape you are a dead liar. I took some time to listen to every song, break down each track, and give a non-biased review on the project. Here it is –

It fucking sucks.

For every PA kid that “reps Philly” and forces them self to love Meek, stop. Stop doing this to yourself. Is it a rule that if you’re from PA you have to love Meek Mill? There’s not one person in this entire state that doesn’t like this guy’s music, no matter how bad or repetitive it is. Meek to PA/Philly people is like what Christ is to Christianity. Except Christ didn’t get put in a #bodybag by a guy from Degrassi.

Funny you brought up that guy from Degrassi, because in case you forgot Drake MURDERED Meek. He killed him, wrote the obituary, and held a service for family and friends to pay their respects. What’s alarming is that some people would argue Meek won that beef and his music is better than Drake’s. I really really don’t want to be that guy that loves Drake and says Meek sucks, but I love Drake and Meek sucks. If that L wasn’t enough, I think The Game is actually going to real life kill Meek Mill. That Ooouuu remix went right at Meek’s throat and it is absolutely horrifying. It’s 4 minutes of The Game letting Meek know that he is going to shoot him in the face. When I heard that diss I was scared to go outside. I didn’t feel safe. When I heard these Meek “diss” tracks, along with DC4, I was just wondering why he was yelling so much. Why are you yelling at me, Meek? Stop screaming man. You’ve always been big on yelling but it’s annoying now. Every single song sounds exactly the same, especially on DC4. Everything he puts out now just sounds so forced.

I’m not going to sit here and act like I’m not a fan of Meek’s old stuff. His first two albums were good, DC2 was good, but that’s about it. I was hoping for him to go back to his old roots on DC4. I wanted “hold up wait a minute, y’all thought I was finished” Meek. That’s not what we’re working with on DC4, but I will say the intro to the first song On The Regular is unreal. That intro made me want to buy a gun. Lil Snupe also came back from the dead for a verse on Outro, which is awesome, but not enough to save the mixtape.

I think Meek fans are just so caught up in the whole “Philly” thing. It’s the same as being a fan of Philly teams. You guys need to snap out of this fantasy land you created in your head. The Eagles aren’t making the playoffs, Carson Wentz isn’t Jesus, and Meek Mill SUCKS now. I go to school in Philly and was out last night when DC4 came out, and the reaction was one of the most insane things I’ve ever seen. Nobody heard a single song yet and were on the verge of tears. “YOOOOOO HE DROPPED IT. MEEK DROPPED IT. HE DROPPED DC4. MEEK DROPPED THAT JAWN.” I thought one kid legitimately needed medical attention when he found out Meek Mill made music.

I hate to be the guy to break this news to the people of Pennsylvania, but it had to be said. Meek is washed up and DC4 is ass. You guys should check out Drake’s new music though. Fire.

Tim Tebow Saves Another Life – Might Be Jesus

EDITOR’S NOTE: Listen to ‘Jesus Walks’ while reading.

Yesterday was Tim Tebow’s debut in the Arizona Fall League with the Scottsdale Scorpions, and he wasted zero time making headline news. After his 0-3 performance at the plate and extremely poor outfield play, Tebow was working his way down a line of fans signing autographs when all of a sudden a man in the crowd began to have a seizure. People began screaming for help while the man was on the ground in need of serious medical attention. Paramedics were a few minutes out, so in the mean time it was #TebowTime. The former Heisman trophy winner attended to the man immediately, placing a hand on his side and praying for him. Of course, the man woke up soon after and was okay. So long story short, a guy began seizing out and Tebow single-handedly saved him.

This is now the second life that Tim Tebow has brought back from the dead. Not too long ago, an elderly man on the same plane as Tebow got very ill and his heart stopped functioning. So, naturally, Tebow puts a hand on the man’s back while he says a prayer. Shortly thereafter, the elderly man is conscious and his heart is functioning great. No doctors and no sort of medical attention necessary. The old man just needed some Tebowmania in his life and his heart began beating again.

So pretty much, this guy Tebow can’t be real. People are dropping left and right and he’s casually saving lives through prayer. There’s a line between being a human and being Jesus and I think that crosses it. We have to at least entertain the conversation that our Lord and Savior might be playing minor league baseball for the New York Mets. According to every single report on both of these stories, once Tebow came and did his holy thing on the lives of these dying men, they were instantaneously cured. The fact he has done this not once, but now twice, proves that he needs to be on the list of questions a bystander should ask if they see someone that needs medical help. “Can someone call 9-1-1?! Is anyone here a doctor?! IS TIM TEBOW HERE?! WHERE IS TEBOW?!?” Calling an ambulance and calling for Tim Tebow should go hand in hand at this point. I might even suggest yelling for Tebow before calling 9-1-1.

Thank god that both of these men are alive and well, but if I’m a paramedic I am NOT happy about this at all. Who the fuck is this guy? People go to school to be different kinds of healthcare professionals, and all this jerkoff has to do is touch someone and they’re healthier than ever. An ambulance could have been 3 minutes away from the Scorpions ballpark, but by then it’s too late for them to be the hero. Tebow only needs 3 seconds. He just had to lay a finger on the guy, say some nice things to God, and boom. They’re back. They’re alive. Never been more alive in their life.

All of this makes it pretty obvious that Tebow has to be put on the Mets official roster next season. I don’t care about his baseball stats. He’s putting up life saving stats. Put this man in leftfield next year and watch him hit .187, but bring 5 people back to life. Can you say World Series?

Crime Alert – High Point Solutions Stadium: Rutgers Football Murdered In Cold Blood

So earlier this week I tweeted out that Michigan is going to beat Rutgers by 70. Total joke, because it’s physically impossible to lose a football game that badly. Well Saturday night Rutgers proved me wrong. They put on without a doubt the worst performance ever in any sporting contest I’ve ever witnessed.

I don’t care how good Michigan is, you had a week to prepare for this game. You had a week to put together a game plan for how to not lose by 78 points. The fact that the spread on a Big 10 matchup was +28.5 RU on their home field is absolutely horrific to begin with. A 30-point loss would have been rough to see, so a 78-point loss is almost impossible to wrap my head around. Big Blue’s got some dogs, and their defense could probably shut down the Cleveland Browns, but at the end of the day they’re in the same conference as you. You’re supposed to be a Big 10 team, so there should be absolutely no way you’re so bad you lose a game 78-0. People don’t lose 78-0 in Madden. By 40-0 how do you even go back out onto the field? How are the coaches still on the sidelines making play calls? If I was the head coach, by 50-0 I’m calling my wife and begging her not to leave me. I’m getting my kids on the phone and telling them I love them and everything is going to be okay. Seriously though, there had to have been a couple break ups after that game.

What’s crazy is that Michigan obviously took their foot off the gas and they still entirely dominated Rutgers on both sides of the ball. It got to the point where it was legitimately difficult to watch. I have no idea how anyone associated with Rutgers football can show their face in public again. But for that entire Rutgers team, last night was one of if not the biggest game of their life. Michigan comes into High Point Solutions Stadium for a game under the lights, aka it’s the Super Bowl of your regular season. How do you not mix in a touchdown? With the amount of adrenaline and hype going into this game you’d have to think Rutgers would find the endzone at least once. Not only did they not come even remotely close to scoring a single point, they had two first downs the entire game. TWO. They moved forward 10 yards twice in four quarters. I mean that is so bad I think I hate every single person I know that goes to Rutgers now. How can I look at you in the face? Your school is gonna lose by 78 and then you’re gonna ask me to chill? I lost every ounce of respect for you. But at the same time, I feel for every single student currently attending Rutgers. The university should refund every student’s tuition after that loss. How is anyone with a Rutgers degree going to get a job after this? Any employer is going to see “Education: Rutgers” on a resume and burn it. No way any company is bringing in someone who experienced a 78-0 L before.

Next up for Rutgers is a home game vs. 1-4 Illinois. When it’s October 9th and you only have one win, there’s nothing to really get excited about; unless you’re playing Rutgers next week. You know when a joke is so bad that it’s funny? That’s exactly what this game will be. Rutgers is so bad they make bad teams look not bad. Final score prediction: 6-3 Illinois (2OT).

Connor Gillaspie – The Latest Mets Killer

It wasn’t Buster Posey. It wasn’t Hunter Pence. It wasn’t anyone you could have ever have possibly imagined. He goes by the name of Connor Gillaspie, and he is the man responsible for personally ending the Mets season on Wednesday night in the NL Wildcard. This is a good time to segue into my first question – who the FUCK is Connor Gillaspie? Actually though. He’s been in the league? He’s on an MLB roster? He’s starting in a playoff game? He’s hitting game winning home runs? Out of every member of the Giants roster it had to be this guy. It couldn’t have been someone like Brandon Crawford. I could live with a guy as swaggy as that guy hitting a 3-run bomb in the 9th. Such a vintage Mets move to turn some total dork into the star of the night. I would have felt better if Bumgarner was the one who hit the home run. Up until that point I was legitimately more scared of him hurting us at the plate than Gillaspie. I probably would have been more scared of a fan from the crowd stepping into the box. All I knew about this dude was that Noah Syndergaard made him look like a damn fool the entire game. He was a guaranteed out before that last inning. I was heckling this guy to quit his job, and then he becomes the Giants hero. I’m not letting the Mets offense off the hook; they handed Bumgarner the easiest complete game shutout of his life. But the fact that a guy like Connor Gillaspie was the difference in that game is sickening. Just another day in the life of a Mets fan.

If the Giants manufactured a run or two and Bumgarner flat out outdueled Syndergaard, I’d say wow that sucks and get over it. But no. Of course not. The Mets can’t just lose a game. They have to rip your heart out from your chest first. They’re like a spinoff of that show 1000 Ways To Die – 1000 Ways To Lose. Out of every possible way to blow that game, Connor Gillespie hitting a 3-run bomb off Familia is literally the last thing you could have expected – and that’s exactly why it happened. That’s what the Mets do best. Nothing is impossible when you play the New York Mets, and everything that isn’t supposed to happen will 100% happen.

Exhibit A: the Giants are a team that doesn’t strikeout. Every baseball writer and analyst couldn’t say it enough. If there’s one thing the Giants don’t do, it’s strikeout. Yet, they K’d against Syndergaard 11 times. 11 humiliating strikeouts. 98 on the black – you’re out. 99 above the letters – you’re gone. 93mph slider – goodnight. It was like if I got on the mound in the Little League World Series right now. He was straight up disrespecting every member of the Giants lineup. That was obviously good for the Mets, right? Yeah, except with this team what goes up must come down, and when you root for the Mets it comes down on you hard and it comes down when you least expect it. I’d almost rather have seen the Giants score 10 runs and Mad Bum throw a perfect game over how they lost. You had to have known that that masterful pitching performance from Noah was setting up our hearts being ripped out from our body.

Addison Reed followed Thor with a scoreless 8th to set up Familia for the last inning. All-Star closer, 50 saves, 95mph sinker…aka we’re going to the bottom of the 9th with the score still 0-0. We have to. There’s no way that we don’t. But what if I told you (ESPN 30 for 30 voice) that the Giants would score? What if I told you the Giants were almost dead last in the MLB in home runs this year, and what if I told you some guy named CONNOR GILLASPIE would hit a 3-run moon shot. Like I said, everything that isn’t supposed to happen will in fact happen when you’re playing the Mets. Some may say “that’s baseball” but these yearly heartbreaks simply do not happen to any other team. The 2015 Mets had World Series champs written all over them. The dynamic of that team and the road they took to the World Series, it seemed impossible for them not to win it all. You don’t have the type of moments they had and not win, so naturally they handed the Royals the trophy. Let’s not forget about their choke job in Game 7 of the 2006 NLCS. And the ’07 collapse. And the ’08 collapse. And now Connor fucking Gillaspie.

I’m convinced being a fan of this organization takes more years off of your life than smoking two packs of boags everyday. Guess we’ll just have to wait and see how they’ll send us into depression next fall. LGM.